Back to work

We were so spoiled over our winter break from reality. Two whole weeks of Zach and I both being home everyday all day with Jack and Eli and we got to spend so much quality time together. How lucky are we?! I know our life won't be like that always so I always think about how special this time is. Zach and I were in constant good moods and it was just so nice to get that time with no outside stresses or responsibilities weighing us down. The Sunday night before going back to work after a break is always a rough one. The to-do lists start to creep in my mind and my stomach starts to feel the butterflies that come with "the first day of school" again feeling. Tears are always shed as I go to sleep that night feeling the ache for my babies and how I will miss seeing their faces the next morning. I made Zach take some pictures of us this day because I just always want to remember every stage of "us". My family means the world to me and our time together is so important to me.

The boys had another week alone with Zach since he started a week after me and I loved getting pictures like this while I was away:

Eli reading to Jack in bed after waking up from a nap

Jack being "doctor" to Eli

And now that Zach is back to school taking 20 credits we are both away from the boys so much. It truly makes me tear up as I type that because I feel so guilty. Yet at the same time I know we are making the right choices for our family and are doing what we have to do to get to our next stage of life. This won't be our forever and I always have to remind myself that. The boys really like their new nanny, Lida, and that brings so much comfort. When she isn't here, they ask "Lida coming??". She is wonderful and even took the time to play out in the snow with them this week! (Dressing twin toddlers in snow gear is not very fun.)

I worry for Jack and Eli and how us being away so much effects them and their emotions. They've had some sad breakdowns as school, new callings, work, etc. has taken their parents away from them the past few weeks. Going from 100% time to very little is hard on them. Zach texted me while I was in a late meeting for church that Jack was almost hyperventilating and wouldn't calm down because he wanted us both home to put him to bed. It broke my heart knowing I had only been with him just one hour that entire day :( I just hope that they won't remember these sad feelings during their childhood and they will remember the times we are together and the happiness we feel when we are together. More than ever, I am so grateful our first children came to us in twos. While although we don't get to be the 'always present' parents we wish we could be, these boys always have each other. They are better friends than ever and I feel so blessed for that special relationship.