Thoughts of a working mom

I have lots of mixed emotions and want to document this time in my life.

First of all, I am so lucky to have my job. As a kindergarten teacher, I feel fulfilled helping students reach their potential. I love seeing them discover, grow, and learn to love learning. I get to teach the best ages in school; wide-eyed/energetic/hilarious 5 and 6 year olds. I get 2 1/2 months off of work to spend the entire summer with my family all while still getting paid. I don't work late nights or weekends. I get decent time off during holidays. I am a 1 minute walk from home while I am away and I can take my lunch break there. I am surrounded by supportive and positive colleagues who are my friends. I am able to financially support my family so Zach can attend school. We get free health insurance for our family. I'm gaining valuable experience in a degree I worked hard to earn, and I learn lessons everyday that will also help me be a better mother.

I remind myself about all those positives when I start to let myself get down about returning to work. It's that time of year again! I start work on Monday with some teacher training, Back to School Night on Thursday, then the first day of school the following Tuesday. I'm super excited to meet my new students and I know once I'm back I'll get into the swing of things quickly. But right now I can't help but feel disappointed that my little heaven called "summer" is coming to a close. It went by so fast!

Each semester is a new school schedule for Zach (obviously), which means a new start to figuring out who will watch the boys. I am beyond grateful that so far they have only been with family members when they are not with Zach or I. This time around, it was a little harder to find enough family members available to help and I had to start asking around the ward/community. I seriously felt sick to my stomach sending out that request on our community Facebook page. It just breaks my heart thinking of my babies with someone they don't know or are comfortable with. Luckily my family totally stepped it up to make sure they could help even more and I am so lucky to have them. My mom will be coming for full days on Mondays and Fridays, Zach will be home all day Tuesdays, my brother Jacob will be helping Wednesday mornings and sister Emily a little bit of the afternoon, Willa will do a few hours Thursday mornings and Emily again for a little bit of the afternoon, and Zach will have them all the extra in between time. Jack and Eli are so lucky to have aunts, uncles, and grandmas who are genuinely excited to take care of them. They are so loved.

I keep thinking about the end of last summer and being 8 months pregnant with twins trying to move into a new classroom and start a new school year. I was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. Probably the most stressful time of my life. And now it's a year later and those babies that were inside me are almost 1 year old! Getting ready for this school year has been so different. Now the babies come with me as I've done little projects here and there around my class. They either sit in their stroller and whine to get out, crawl and explore my classroom and make big messes, or find yucky things out of the carpet to put in their mouth. It's never the most productive time spent, but I kind of like the new chaos. I'm excited for them to grow up the next few years and become familiar with that classroom and their mom as a 'teacher'. I hope that they will always know that although I love my job at school, that I am most proud of my job as their mom. It's the best job in the world and brings me the most happiness. I dread having to say good bye to them all too soon. I feel like it's just going to keep getting harder each year as they will increasingly become more aware as to who is around them (or not around them). But I know they will be in good hands. Here's to a new school year! Wish us luck!